For a long time my social media and general interwebs tagline was “Creative cynic on a spiritual journey.” Although I shout loud and proud about mindfulness and meditation, I don’t talk much about my spiritual inclinations.
The truth is, spirituality and a strong belief in something bigger than myself has been a really major driving force in my life over the past few years. I reached a crossroads several times and divine intervention is the only way I can describe the outcome.
But I’m also a diehard cynic. I love to analyze things and look for the logic.
As beautiful as magic is, digging up irrefutable evidence is super gratifying. It’s a really tough line to straddle. I’m the kind of kid who would gasp in wonder at an amazing magic trick and then apply as much reason as possible to figure out how it was done.
Maybe it was the way I was raised. My family of origin is full of a bunch of cynics. Not an idealist in the lot. My mom is probably the exception. She is a hopeless romantic and always believes in magic. I think she’d agree that her imagination gets flattened by the stomp of reality far too often.
I’ve come to realize that maybe I’m a lot more like my mom than I’ve ever been willing to admit. But in my case, it’s sort of been the other way around. My cold, hard realism has been getting punted by serendipity. Smile-worthy stuff keeps happening.
Admittedly, I’ve spent the last three or four years standing wide open. Taking steps toward vulnerability. Making an effort to be me and to feel 100% comfortable in my skin. I’ve been actively NOT resisting.
It’s only been in the absence of resistance, that I have realized how truly resistant I’ve been all my life.
I suppose resistance is the barrier to magic. Letting go and opening up allows interesting stuff to happen. Sometimes it blows. But a lot of times it’s pretty darn good.
Letting resistance fall away isn’t easy. It’s hard work, in fact. People who espouse the Law of Attraction make this kind of stuff seem like “believe and it will come.” To which my cynical self has always responded “oh, gag! that’s bullshit!”
I haven’t been believing in anything, other than hard work and being open to possibility. And in the last few weeks, the stars have been aligning in weird and wonderful ways.
Things I asked for have been granted. Things I never in a million years would have expected have shown up. I’ve been taking extra care to let my heart fill with excitement about these things. Instead of being resistant and fearful that any good fortune is just a fluke.
I can’t really explain it, so I won’t even try to. Of course, my inner cynic keeps saying, “Enjoy it now. Because the other shoe will inevitably drop.”
To which I reply, “STFU, a-hole! I BELIEVE IN MAGIC!”
I wrote this post for the Bravery Blogging Project. Go HERE to learn more.